Delusions Rise Inexhaustibly
A Dharma Talk by Carolyn Atkinson
October 13, 2004
Tonight, we are all here, gathered in defiance of the full national debate for our next Presidential election which is occurring right now. Someone said to me--"I feel obligated to hear the debate, and desperate to not hear it!" Some people I know listen carefully. Others can’t stand to listen at all. Our temperaments probably show through in our responses.
I am finding this coming election very uncomfortable. So, I’ve been thinking about why that is. I realize again how much I personally disagree with this war in the Middle East. I deplore the killing, the brutality, the senselessness of war in general. I feel acutely the split in our country, the judgments flying everywhere. I am incredibly uncomfortable with the way we are receiving information--through advertisements, media "news" & disinformation. And personally, for me it brings up memories of the Vietnam War, and family memories of disagreements. I’m sure we each have our own particular mixture of old evocable pain that is touched. This is a volatile, polarizing, inflammatory time.
So, I’ve been noticing acutely the disquiet in my mind. I hear the story-lines I keep repeating to myself. And I’ve been seeing that these repeated responses I feel to what’s going on--fall into three main . . . let me call them. . . "DELUSIONS."
I’d like to share those delusions with you--because they are so persistent for me. It occurred to me that perhaps they arise occasionally for you also.
Now, they are easy to notice in the context of this election. But--they are not limited to politics. I act out these delusions in my mind over and over. All the time. They are truly Equal Opportunity Delusions.
The first two are interlocked: I say to myself--things are worse now than they ever have been. And then I go on to say--but surely, things will get better soon. Part of this second delusion rests on the foundation of: if only . . . then. When just this or that happens--if only this or that could happen--then things will get better.
And you know what--it is bleak right now! Really bleak. We’re in the midst of a huge war in the Middle East. Our country is polarized between two hugely oppositional camps of understanding and faith, if you will. We have the possibility of mass world destruction held in the hands of a number of leaders. Our environment is being degraded at a faster and faster rate. Species are dying off. And despite our technological revolution, people starve and die from disease all the time. Masses and masses of people--suffering, starving and dying, every day. Things DO seem worse right now.
I want to read to you from a book by Nyanaponika Thera titled "The Heart of Buddhist Meditation." It was published in 1954. Nyanaponika Thera was a European man who went to Asia in the first half of the twentieth century. He became one of the first western Theravadin Buddhist monks. So, imagine that he’s writing this for publication after the second great World War. This is what he says in his opening paragraph:
"At the time when these pages are written, just in the middle of the twentieth century, humanity is on its sickbed again,--or shall we say, still? It is ailing under its self-inflicted wounds, suffering from the consequences of an age-old barbaric practice, called war, still not overcome. Humanity has once more succeeded in adding considerably to the measure of its self-torture, in intensifying the anguish of heart of its members, in hastening the deterioration of morals and true culture that goes hand in hand with the material devastations of war. But, to a thoughtful mind, more gripping and heart-rending than all the numerous single facts of suffering is the uncanny and tragic monotony of behavior that prompts mankind to prepare again for a new bout of raving madness, waiting only to recover a little strength after the latest exhibition of frenzy. The same old mechanism is at work again: the interaction of greed (including the lust for power) and fear, which will always produce hate. And still men bungle with the symptoms only, remaining blind to the source of the illness which is no other than the three great Roots of Everything Evil . . . pointed out by the Buddha: Greed, Hatred and Delusion. (p. 9)"
I remember studying about World War II: it was really bad then. Or we can go back further: how about World War I? Further still--how about the Civil War? Or the Thirty Years War? It is really bad right now, but perhaps more accurately, we might say--it’s bad in this particular way now. When we look closely--it was in each instance, bad in its own unique way. Perhaps on a global level, it has always been bad.
So then we come to my second major delusion: but soon it will get better. And part of that is the mind that says, if only this happens, if only such-and-such occurs, then . . . then it will get better. If the election goes the way I want it to--it will all get better. If only, if only, I say. Or surely, surely . . . and I think fundamental change is right around the corner. If only such-and-such happens.
When I look at these two assumptions closely--actually, it is probably not worse now. And it is probably not going to get better. Suffering is what the Buddha started out talking about 2500 years ago! He said: Life is difficult, painful, out of joint, uncomfortable, like a wobbly wheel. By nature, our lives are unsatisfactory. When I really look at this, it’s still the same! Do I really believe it’s worse right now? Do I really believe--if only such-and-such happens--it will get better? You know, so far it has not worked out. Perhaps I should not hold my breath!
So, here’s my third delusion: if particular things happen, such as--my candidate for President does not get elected--then I can’t bear it. This is the voice that says: "But this particular thing just can’t happen. It will be too awful." Actually though, if it happens, then . . . it happens. What choice do we really have, about life being the way life is? Do I think, do we think--that rejecting life, as it is, is going to make things different than they are? When I look at it that way, I don’t think so, but I am kind of stunned at how much I cling to my story----that I can’t stand it. If such and such happens--it will be too horrible. Too horrible for what? Life is what life is. Do I think there is a choice about life being what it is? World War II was definitely too horrible. Think of London being bombed, think of the Eastern front. Think of being a soldier in the Pacific. Remember the Bataan Death March. It was really bad then! It was definitely "too awful."
So, here they are, three of my favorite delusions:
l. It’s worse now.
2. However, if only----such and such happens, it will all get better.
3. But if this other such-and-such happens, I can’t stand it.
All delusions, every one of them. As the Bodhisattva chant says: delusions rise inexhaustibly. And indeed, they do. We chant: I vow to end them all. And it seems that we must do that, one at a time, over and over. We get to experience our delusions, and then work on ending them--temporarily, one at a time, again and again. This is indeed an endless practice.
Life is unsatisfactory--it’s the first thing the Buddha taught. We call it the First Noble Truth: life as it is--is filled with pain. And then we come to the Second Noble Truth: wanting things to be different than they are is the source of suffering, which arises with the pain. The mind that resists things the way they are--this is the mind that suffers. I can really feel that my resistance is the greatest source of my suffering. If only this particular thing will happen, everything will be OK. Otherwise, I can’t stand it. What do I mean--I can’t stand it? I can’t bear it? What choice do I have? Life is what it is. And if it is exactly what it is--then I can bear it. What choice is there?
There is an activist group called the Zen Peacemaker Order. Their Order has three basic tenets. Three core principles--deceptively simple principles: 1. not knowing. 2. bearing witness to joy and suffering, and 3. healing ourselves and others.
I think these are really important guidelines:
l. Not Knowing. We don’t really know about much of anything at all. We don’t know the suffering, the stories, the desires, the fears of the people in this country with whom we disagree. We don’t know what it is to be them, let alone what it is to be a citizen of Iraq! How can this all happen? We don’t really know. So we practice staying in this place of not knowing. Not making up our stories.
2. Bearing Witness. Two words: "bearing." We can bear it. And "witness"--to show up, to pay attention, and to tell the truth, as best we can. We must continue to bear witness--however difficult it is--to exactly what we experience.
3. Healing Ourselves and Others. One person at a time, one moment at a time, one Breath at a time. And we begin with ourselves.
How do we do this? The teachings of Buddhism say that we do it through the practice of being mindful. Through paying close attention to our bodies, to our experience, to our lives. We practice understanding our own minds, our own lives, and in this way, we practice understanding the whole world. And then, you know, we just do this one moment at a time. In this moment, and in this next moment--we remember . . . just not knowing. And nevertheless, we bear witness anyway. We undertake the practice of healing ourselves and others. We don’t know how to do this, but we must do it anyway. Life is what it is.
What choice do we have?
